DEAR MISS MANNERS: For many years, my dear sister has had a habit of leaving her wet laundry in the machine for a long time before moving it to the dryer.
This leads to a consistent mildew odor on all of her fabrics. We always notice the smell on the towels and linens when we visit.
It never used to be a huge deal, but now her son is getting older, and he sweats quite a bit. Thanks to what one might call the “wet dog effect,” he always reeks of mildewy clothing.
For his sake (as well as hers), how can I convince her to change her laundry habits without hurting anyone’s feelings?
GENTLE READER: Criticizing another person’s laundry technique is not strictly within the bounds of good etiquette, but Miss Manners likes an occasional challenge.
Talking about what “we” (rather than “I”) have noticed, and calling her your Dear Sister will only alert your sibling that Something Is Up.
But making the issue about her son is a good start. And having, as a goal, not hurting anyone’s feelings is key.
A casual story about having the same problem and finding a solution — for your own child (assuming you have one) or a friend’s (if not) — will further remove any implied criticism. Of course, this will all come to nothing if you have raised the issue in years past without effect.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Many times, I have experienced the situation where someone is completely blocking a store aisle with their shopping cart.
They see me coming and either move their basket aside to let me pass or I have to say, “Excuse me,” and then they move it.
Some people say “Sorry” for blocking me, but some mumble a sarcastic “You’re welcome” to me as I go by, apparently because I don’t say “Thank you” for their efforts.
I feel I should not have to say thank you to them for correcting a situation they caused to begin with. Good manners would require not blocking the aisle in the first place.
This happens to me often. What do you suggest?
GENTLE READER: Six words: “Excuse me. Thank you. You’re welcome.” And you only have to say four of them.
Miss Manners’ point is that to be this angry — and stingy — about when to parcel out such kindnesses is beneath you.
If someone’s cart is blocking the aisle, let’s assume it was a moment’s thoughtlessness, not a nefarious plot — and that saying “Excuse me” costs you nothing.
True, we can do without a sarcastic “You’re welcome” if you forget to say thanks — but let’s not forget. It will make the world a slightly less abrasive place.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Five people go out to dinner. Two of them have a special interest in something the other three do not. Is it polite for those two people to have a side conversation?
GENTLE READER: Yes, so long as the two are seated together and are having the side conversation with each other, not with their cellular telephones.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
