I have basically become a mother again as I tend to my granddaughter’s needs all the time. I’m her main caregiver and I’m her “person”. She prefers me over her mother in every and any situation.

While my granddaughter is my pride and joy, I can’t help but be angry most of the time because (1) my life is no longer my own and is certainly not what I envisioned at this age; (2) I pay for everything because my daughter can’t land a meaningful job and, if she does, it’s not for long; and (3) I’d rather be doing anything else but playing with a toddler and watching toddler shows as I find it extremely boring.

I would rather do this on my own with my granddaughter and have mom just go live her life because I’m giving my daughter the best of both worlds — she’s here with her daughter, but I’m doing all the heavy-lifting.

How do I overcome my resentment for my daughter? And please don’t suggest I sit her down and tell her how I feel. Been there, done that. No amount of talking or motivation gets through to my daughter. She is who she is, and she will never change.

— Grandmother Turned Mother

Dear Grandmother: I’m sorry to say that if she’s not going to change, then you have to be the one to shift. Your resentment is rooted in an expectation that she’ll step up and take responsibility. That’s not an unrealistic expectation in the grand scheme, but with respect to your daughter, it is.

That resentment may never fully go away because this burden isn’t fair to you. But it’ll decrease if you remind yourself “this is who she is and I love all of who she is, even the parts I don’t like.”

You’re still parenting your daughter. If she were flying solo, you could let her make her own mistakes and learn the hard way. But those mistakes would also hurt your granddaughter. So, this is the hard reality.

The choices are either: (1) set a hard boundary for your daughter and refuse to budge or (2) frame everything about this situation as an active choice you’re making out of love for your granddaughter and your daughter.

Even if you opt for the latter, please find small ways to take some of your time back. Keep pushing her, even if she fails. Your granddaughter deserves a parent, and you deserve to live, too.

Dear Eric: My wife and I have a beautiful home on a lake. We keep our home very neat and tidy. Our adult son, wife and their young children live in another state and when we visit them, their home is a complete mess, dirty and sticky with spilled food and drinks (we stay at an Airbnb when we visit.)

They just stayed with us for a week, and we all had a wonderful, fun time, but they treat our house like they treat their house. Should we set some written house rules for their next visit (and possibly alienate them) like pick up wet towels and bathing suits, only eat at the dining table, clean up the kitchen after using, etc. Or do we just bite the bullet and resign ourselves to what it is.

— Cleaning House

Dear House: You and your wife have created a home for adults — chic, clean, just to your taste. Your son and his wife have a home for a family with kids. As you no doubt remember, when there are little fingers about, little fingerprints show up all over everything. It’s not a given, but it’s likely.

You probably won’t get this family to treat your house like a pristine adult house. But you should set age-appropriate guidelines for being a good guest.

Think about making different requests of the kids and the adults. Ask your son and daughter-in-law to make sure that the kitchen is cleaned up, or no food leaves the dining room, for instance.

Don’t do this in writing, though. Feels aggressive. But a phone call beforehand enlisting their help in setting their kids up to be good stewards of your house will make it a communal effort rather than something they got wrong.

Before you call, though, really ask yourself what you need to feel comfortable. The kids are young, the parents are on vacation; you’re all having fun. Sometimes a towel is going to sit on the floor for a minute.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

I have zero issues or concerns about the man she’s marrying, but knowing the reason is based on a financial “nudge” for tax bracket purposes, insurance and trusts, instead of a desire to be together for the rest of their lives, I’m having a very hard time getting psyched for the wedding, which will be a small family ceremony, then a reception party with more than 100 people invited.

It feels disingenuous to have a celebration of this size given the reasoning for the occasion. Any advice on how to find some joy in this event?

— Where is the Love

Dear Love: Think of it as an anniversary party.

We’ve all happily gone to weddings of young people whose unions didn’t end up lasting 20 years. Why punish your mom and her partner for proving the concept before cutting the cake?

Look, I’m a romantic from the Nora Ephron school, but the fact is marriage is a legal and financial institution that carries with it a plethora of benefits, from tax breaks to hospital visitation rights to protections around property and inheritance. You get those benefits if you have a quickie Vegas wedding to someone you met at the Caesars Palace buffet or if you wait 20 years and have a backyard ceremony. That’s the deal.

Remind yourself that their standard deductions don’t impact you, but the last two decades of their commitment has. Otherwise, you’ll miss out on this one chance you have to celebrate the fact that they did something extraordinary and 100 percent free: they found someone and loved them for a very long time.

Dear Eric: I have a 3-year-old with my ex-husband who I currently have a very strained relationship with. I recently had to file a restraining order on him because he assaulted me when I was picking her up from his house. Though there is a history of domestic violence there, I am very happy to be building my life back up away from that.

She still sees him every other weekend. I want her to be able to make up her own mind about him one day and I don’t want my opinions to sway her thoughts. How do I continue to nurture her relationship with him when I truly don’t think he’s a good person?

— Conflicted Ex

Dear Conflicted: The best way to care for the relationship right now might be revisiting the terms of your custody.

He can’t even do pick-up without resorting to assault; this is not a safe shared custody agreement and the blame lies with him. You don’t have to clean up his mess.

Thank you for protecting yourself with the restraining order. Please keep seeking out help. If you don’t have the means to consult your lawyer, the National Domestic Violence Hotline (thehotline.org) has a searchable database that will direct you to local legal resources.

Until your ex gets the help he needs, and begins to make amends to you and your daughter, any relationship he’s building with her will be unhealthy.

As time goes on, your opinion of him may not change. It won’t be appropriate to vent to her, but your experiences are real and legally documented. Your feelings are valid. You can tell her the truth.

Dear Eric: I work at a small, fantastic community-based organization. It is not perfect, but it’s been one of my favorite jobs ever, except for a few of my colleagues who seem to complain endlessly about the smallest things.

Their behavior has led to other staff feeling judged, we’ve even had people leave over it.

Any chance I get I will sing the place’s praises, and if the complaining is next level, I just leave the work room.

I am so sick of it. This is honestly a great place to work and it’d be even greater if we supported each other rather than devolving into cliques and endless rant sessions. Any suggestions you have on how to put a stop to endless (and at times toxic complaining)?

— Sick of Watercooler Complaints

Dear Watercooler: Some people just like to complain about work. I tickled myself thinking what if the question after yours was from your coworker. “This person at my job is just SO POSITIVE…”

Try talking to your coworkers one-on-one. See if you can get to the bottom of what their core issues are. Maybe they’re complaining because they don’t feel empowered to make changes.

Or maybe they’re toxic jerks.

Ask a higher up for help shifting the office culture. You don’t have to wave the Pollyanna banner all on your own.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

All of us but one is now retired and she is hoping to retire soon at age 73. She’s continued to work as she’s worried about not having sufficient funds during retirement. The other two have to pinch pennies a bit and many decisions are made based upon cost.

I made different choices than the others and have been fortunate financially. As a result, I’m significantly better off than the others and have excess income and assets.

I’d like to make their lives easier by helping them out financially. Even $10,000 would allow the still-working one to pay off her car loan and thereby retire with a higher level of security and allow another to reduce her mortgage.

I’ve been trying to figure out a way to help them without offending their pride and making them feel the financial chasm between us. I’ve been unable to come up with a winning method.

Do you have any suggestions, or should I just let each of them figure out things on their own?

– Wanting to Be Generous

Dear Generous: First of all, would you like to be my friend, as well? My pride can certainly withstand a $10,000 gift.

Your friends’ pride can, too. They’ve already shared enough of their financial realities with you that you’re aware of some of the worries and the needs. This indicates that they see you as someone safe and trustworthy.

And they already know that you are in a more secure financial position. Speaking to the reality of the financial chasm isn’t going to make it any more real.

So, ask them directly. “I would like to pay off your car loan; would you allow me to do that?” Or “Is there an amount of money that would make your life easier? I don’t want to offend you, but I want to show you love as a friend.”

Often, we avoid discussing money with friends out of politeness or pride. But the truths of our financial situations still impact every part of our friendships, from what we can do socially to how safe we feel in the world.

Acknowledging reality and possibility with your friends may be awkward at first, but it can make everything else easier.

Dear Eric: My daughter recently gave birth in California to her second child one month earlier than expected. We have a good relationship and get along very well.

She notified me via text that she was in labor and on the way to the hospital. In that same text, she informed me that her mother-in-law was flying out to California that same day from New York.

I also live in New York and was not asked if I could come out the day she went into labor. I am guessing that my son-in-law contacted his mother first.

My husband and I had previously made plans to go out to California two weeks before my daughter’s due date, as per her request. We never expected the baby to come a month early.

I am very hurt that the mother-in-law was notified instead of me. Several friends seemed surprised and said, “She is out there, not you?”

I have not asked my daughter about this because I do not want to upset her since she is overly emotional right now with possible postpartum depression. My immediate family thinks I am being overly sensitive.

– Slighted Mother

Dear Mother: You’re talking about a matter of minutes between texts, if that.

I feel like I’m staring at a conspiracy board covered in screenshots of text messages and flight maps. But what I don’t see – respectfully – is a slight.

Here’s my theory: Your daughter went into labor unexpectedly; this is surprising, scary even. Her husband texted his mother. Maybe he’s dashing down the hall for the go bag while he does it. Maybe there’s chaos. Meanwhile, your daughter is trying to do a lot of things at once, including texting you and being in labor.

His mother wrote back that she was going to come. Your daughter gave you this information so that you wouldn’t feel slighted or surprised to find out that – hours later – the mother-in-law was taxiing up to the gate.

You were perfectly capable of booking a same-day flight at that moment. It’s fine that you didn’t, but stop placing the blame on your daughter.

Let go of the hurt you’ve been nursing. Now. Your daughter needs you. She has two children and is experiencing postpartum depression. This is not the moment to be caught up in one-upmanship with an in-law.

You’ll regret it if your feelings about these texts get in the way of offering her love, support, and understanding as she navigates this emotionally complicated time.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110.)

He would like for me to move in with him and he offers a better financial situation than what I am dealing with.

However, it comes with the price of services, which I know longer desire to fulfill. I don’t want to commit to that, but I still care for him deeply. Is there another solution that would make both of us happy together?

— Benefits Negotiator

Dear Negotiator: This friendship is not a game of Plinko, and the price is not right.

He may think that his solution is innocuous, even ingenious, but your survival shouldn’t be dependent on sex, especially sex you don’t want to have anymore.

Living together is going to be complicated because he’s made part of your relationship transactional. Even if you say you’re going to keep it platonic, will he honor that or will he push that boundary?

Ask yourself whether this friendship is right for you. If you’re struggling financially, shouldn’t he help you without asking for something in return? For now, I think you’d best maintain separate houses and separate benefits plans.

Dear Eric: I’m a straight woman and good friends with a gay male. Lately, I’ve wondered if we could be more than friends.

He has not been in any relationship or dated anyone since we met three years ago.

I’m willing to ask if he’d consider it but not at the cost of the friendship. What should/could I say to him to gauge the possibility?

— Curious Companion

Dear Companion: My memory is a little hazy, but it seems like Jennifer Aniston starred in a movie about this exact scenario at least twice in the early-2000s. It never really worked out.

Now, we live in the future and sexual orientation is a spectrum, but I have a lot of questions.

Are you attracted to him?

Is he attracted to you?

I could go on with more granular questions about your friendship (and the movie career of Jennifer Aniston), but those are the baselines.

You two are, presumably, very close. Interrogate your feelings. Is it platonic love or something deeper? If it’s the latter, then being honest about your feelings, respectfully, isn’t going to damage the relationship.

Say, “I think there’s a deeper connection between us and I’m curious about it. Do you agree? Do you feel the same way? Are you willing to explore that?”

Then accept whatever answer he gives you, even if it’s “I’m very gay but I like you as a friend.”

Dear Eric: My brother and my sister-in-law called me to tell me that their granddaughter wants to come to a university in my city. They told her she would have to depend on me for a place to stay and financial help.

The issue is I rarely talk to my brother, by his choice, and I have never met his granddaughter. I do not even know her name!

Further, it appears he has told his wife that he helped pay for me to go to college. That is a boldface lie!

When I said no to their request, they got angry. Since I rarely talk to them anyway, I really don’t care what they think. However, they are trying to lobby the family that I should be willing to help “family”. I have no intention of changing my mind.

How should I handle queries about my decision when other family members call with questions?

— Neither a Borrower Nor a Lender

Dear Lender: People love to spend other people’s money, don’t they? Must be nice!

When family calls to lobby you, ask them how much they’re contributing to the family fund to help this granddaughter. If the answer is “nothing”, then that’s exactly how much they can tell you about this matter.

Dear Eric: Your response to No More Age Talk (July 9) was good, however, there is a better way to document age-related workplace discrimination: on a nonwork-computer (because employers act as host to company LANS and can access the information).

The documentation should be prepared each evening when the employee gets home, entering the date and, if possible, time of the comment/conversation. The employee should also note who was present, what they were talking about, what they were wearing and any personal details (vacations, family circumstances) that were discussed.

There is solid social science about the attribution of credibility increasing with details. The recorder should never exaggerate accuracy, because a jury is instructed that if a witness is proven to be false in part, they may be considered false in toto.

— Former Attorney

Dear Attorney: Thanks for this thorough advice!

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

One week later, one of my wife’s oldest and closest friends (a “BFF”) came to visit and my wife proceeded to tell BFF about Ed’s predicament. When we were alone later, I asked my wife why she broke her promise of secrecy. She responded by saying, “I did not! My BFFs and I tell each other everything and we all keep everything to ourselves, so nobody’s ever going to hear about it.”

While BFF and Ed do not know each other, all six of the BFFs and Ed know of one another by name and there’s a slight chance their paths will cross at some point or another.

When I asked her if we should go back and ask Ed if it was OK to share his predicament with her BFFs, she got angry and said there was no reason to upset him. I then thanked her for validating my point. What say you?

— Secret Keeper

Dear Keeper: Far be it from me to wade into the murky waters of settling marital disputes, but this is cut and dried. So, I’m strapping on my Crocs and jumping in.

When you swear to not tell anyone a piece of information, there’s not a lot of fine print. Do many, if not all, of us bend the rules a little around spouses and significant others? Yes, but I can’t imagine Ed meant “don’t tell anyone except your five best friends whom I don’t know but have been assured are good secret-keepers.”

There is a difference between a story suitable for public consumption and a personal revelation shared in confidence.

Your wife took Ed’s predicament and turned it into gossip. Even if nothing bad comes of the BFFs knowing, she betrayed the trust he put in her.

She seems secure in her choice, alas, so I don’t have advice for her.

But “Ed”, if you’re reading this — best to choose more trustworthy confidantes.

Dear Eric: I am an elderly woman with medical issues. I belong to a homeowner’s association and pay monthly dues out of which “lawn care” is automatically deducted monthly.

The lawn care employees refuse to maintain my lawn. I called the lawn company owner and he said that he “had informed all of his employees not to set foot on my property”. This started last year when I complained to the owner that his employees chopped down my flowers.

My neighbors have been complaining about my lawn, and I can get no help maintaining it, from the lawn care company that I automatically pay each month. I contacted the HOA president, who referred me to the property manager, who has not rectified the problem with the lawn care company.

I am on a fixed income and cannot afford to hire another lawn care company, especially when I have already paid for the services of the current one.

I also cannot afford to hire an attorney. I was warned not to file a complaint with the Consumer Protection Agency or the Better Business Bureau because then the lawn care company “will do nothing” for me and they also have a contract to remove the snow and if they refuse to remove my snow, it could have deadly consequences. What can I do?

— Overgrown Obstacle

Dear Overgrown: First, talk to your neighbors and ask for their help. If they’re complaining to you about the state of your lawn, explain your situation and solicit their advice. Ask them to advocate on your behalf to the HOA.

(This may also be an opportunity for a kind neighbor to volunteer to just mow it themselves. I’m not sure that would be part of my journey, but some people really love to mow lawns.)

I’d give up on trying to reason with the lawn care company. It’s unclear why the company owner is taking such an extreme stance. I wish I knew more about the way your disagreement began and escalated. But even if there’s more to the story, his contract is with the HOA. And the HOA, in turn, has a contract with you.

You should also request a meeting with the full board. Familiarize yourself with the governing documents and covenants, conditions, and restrictions documents.

Try to have a respectful but productive conversation, remembering that the board is made up of volunteers. Tell them that you’re afraid of retaliation and ask for their help. Explain that this puts you and them at risk. Ask how they plan to rectify this and what their timetable is.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

Recently, we embraced sobriety and no longer consume the expensive drinks that significantly add to the bill. Despite this, we continue to split the check evenly, which doesn’t seem quite fair.

We value our friendship and enjoy our time together, but we are unsure how to approach this topic. We don’t want to look cheap, but we also want to be fair. Is it weird, rude or impolite to request that we each pay for our own meals and drinks moving forward?

— Sober Diner

Dear Diner: Ten years of shared bills is a long time. At a certain point, splitting the check stops being about the money and starts being a gesture of mutual good will.

So, this about-face may feel like it’s coming out of nowhere for your friends. It’s also likely to bring up other possible inequities and invite “nickel and diming” into your meals. Did your friends once order only soup and salad while you dined on steak? Was that unfair? How much was the blue-plate special? Who ordered “gratuity”?

If this is affecting your sobriety or your friendship, you should say something. I wouldn’t frame it using “fairness” — that way is littered with nickels and dimes.

Tell them that though you’ve made this change in your lives, you still love dining with them. Tell them you’d rather not pay for alcohol. This should be easy for them to understand.

Dear Eric: I had a conversation with some pals and disclosed that I am biased against seriously overweight people. I am talking about people who are so overweight they must use scooters to get from their car to anywhere. They are so overweight they are often afflicted with type-2 diabetes. They have to take medication to moderate their excess fluids.

I am disgusted when seeing overweight actors in commercials and television shows. I disagree with the normalization of being overweight. I believe it is not healthy or something noble.

I myself am moderately overweight (5’6”, 180 lbs), and I hate it. I had a professional career in the entertainment industry and fought my weight the entire time. The times I weighed less I got hired for more work. And I feel better and can function better when I weigh less.

So am I the jerk?

— Sizing Up Others

Dear Sizing: Yes, but…

YES. Why are you thinking so much about other people’s bodies? When people complain about fatness they like to state that obesity is an epidemic. But unless you’re an epidemiologist, I’m not sure what you’re adding to the conversation.

Taking offense to another person’s size is a waste of time.

BUT: You are part of a culture and an industry that has taught you to hate fatness and to see being overweight as a moral failing. This is not your fault.

No one is immune. A couple of years ago, celebrity rapper Cardi B received an Instagram comment from a fan who speculated she was pregnant. Cardi B shot back that she was not pregnant at the time and added “Let me fat in peace.” What a phrase!

I don’t think your disgust is really about these strangers you see on commercials. It’s about yourself. You’ve been taught by casting directors and ads that if you look a certain way, you’ll be more well-liked and more well-off. Of course you’d come to resent any weight gain.

If you work on loving and accepting yourself more, you’ll be happier, and other people’s weight would bother you less. This is easier said than done, of course, but it’s important work.

Are you, at your core, a jerk? I don’t think so. Go in peace (at whatever size works for you).

Dear Eric: Having just read your column in the Boulder Daily Camera, I am inspired to write. Please discontinue the use of the phrase “rule of thumb.” Its origin is, I believe, from colonial days when it was legal for a man to beat his wife with a stick no larger than the circumference of his thumb. I point this out whenever I hear it and most people are unaware of its origin.

Dear Reader: Thank you so much for this education. Your letter prompted me to do some digging around. The phrase does have a complicated history of which I was unaware.

From what I’ve read, it predates colonial times. Some sources say its origin is in the measuring of buildings or cloth. The usage you put forth is also frequently cited, though there is no evidence it is directly connected to any law sanctioning or directing the application of marital abuse.

Either way, words and phrases often take on lives of their own. As someone who loves clarity and good communication, I won’t use it again.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

The dress was “Festive Cocktail Attire,” which was communicated via a save-the-date notice sent on paper via the U.S. postal service and email. The notice was sent nine months before the wedding.

The dress code was also mentioned in the material that accompanied the invitation, sent two months before the wedding.

It was a fabulous event, with great Spanish cuisine, a 12-piece live band and fun, colorful decor chosen by my daughter. With one weird exception: My husband’s older sister, a woman of 76 years, who lives in an even more upscale nearby town, but who arrived at our event looking like she had just taken a walk on the beach, in white jeans, very casual sandals, and the sort of untucked shirt you might throw on to go grocery shopping.

Meanwhile, her husband followed our dress code, as did her daughter in a lace designer cocktail dress and stilettos. This older sister was the topic of much speculation, as she stood out like a sore thumb.

Several of our daughters’ friends who had, of course, dressed up, asked if she had done it on purpose, as did a couple of my friends.

I don’t know what to think, except that this event harkened back to my own wedding more than 35 years ago. In the spirit of building cordial relations, I had asked my husband’s sister, whom I had only met a couple of times, to be one of my bridesmaids. After I included her on a group trip to choose bridesmaid dresses, she phoned my husband to demand that he pay for her bridesmaid dress. Later, I overheard her belittling the bridesmaid dress to a couple of friends. I had put this incident completely out of my mind until she showed up at my daughter’s wedding dressed inappropriately. What do you think?

— Attired Correctly

Dear Attired: I think your sister-in-law was dressing comfortably because “Festival Cocktail Attire” actually doesn’t mean anything anymore. Technically, it’s supposed to be a mix of cocktail and semi-formal with a little flair added to it, but even that is vague enough to be of little use. I think everyone got a little confused about it in the early 2000s and stopped trying to care.

I cannot tell you how many events I go to where the dress code is “Festive Cocktail Attire”, and people show up wearing whatever they want. It’s chaos. There are too many words in the description. We’ve lost the plot.

Your sister-in-law sounds like someone who doesn’t place the same value as you do on fashion trends. I suspect she lives a very different kind of life. So, for her, perhaps white jeans and a casual shirt was appropriate for a wedding in a beach town adjacent to her own.

Dressing inappropriately is a very unsatisfying form of revenge. So, it’s far less likely that she was doing this to send a message to you. Unless that message is “I’m 76; this is who I am; congratulations on your special day.”

Dear Eric: A friend I have known for many years recently asked me for about $30,000. He needed the money to pay off old debts, which he claimed he had. I doubt that. He does not work and owns a few rental properties.

I responded that I was sorry and couldn’t give him that kind of money and further suggested he go to his bank and ask for a loan.

He wouldn’t hear of it, questioned our friendship and then lectured me that friends are not only for the good times but also for times in need. He then abruptly ended our friendship.

I was disappointed and sad. What should I say to this person after he dumped me? Should I have given him money in order to keep the friendship?

— Finance Friend

Dear Friend: When relationships start coming with exorbitant price tags, I stop calling them friendships and start calling them rental agreements. At $30,000, the rent with this landlord is too high.

I’m afraid that if your friend is willing to abruptly sever your ties over this, there may not be much to salvage here.

Perhaps the stress of his financial situation is clouding his judgment. You can reach out to him to express your hurt over the way things ended and ask him to help you understand his point of view.

Maybe he thinks you’re flush with cash and this figure is no big deal.

But it’s a big deal to you. And, moreover, if you don’t feel comfortable giving him the money, then “no” is a complete, loving sentence.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

Their mother and father have excellent teeth and the children have inherited this, but I do worry about them.

I have an excellent relationship with my daughter and try not to interfere in her parenting. I have offered to take them to the dentist myself, but she has declined.

The younger one comes to my house before school every day so at least she brushes her teeth once a day. Should I just stay silent and let the children suffer the consequences?

— Concerned Grandma

Dear Grandma: Make one last direct ask to your daughter and then let it be. Tell her that you have major concerns and ask if there’s something getting in the way that you can help her with.

You can make your case if you want — the American Academy of Pediatric Dentistry recommends a checkup every six months. They also note that a child’s dentist can tailor the frequency of visits based on a child’s specific needs. Your daughter can’t know what those needs are without seeing a professional.

Take advantage of your excellent relationship by prying and pushing a little more, but if she resists, tell her you’re going to drop the subject. Then really do drop the subject. To needlessly butcher an old saying — you can lead a person to dental insurance, but you can’t make them floss.

Dear Eric: I’m in my early 20s and just ended a five-year relationship with my boyfriend. I find myself really conflicted about whether to move back to the state I grew up in or stay where I am for another year.

I work remotely for a company based there, so I’d be able to work in person after moving. All my close friends and family are back there. The only reason I originally moved to where I am now is because of my ex but there’s something holding me back from just packing up and leaving.

Part of it is that this place is on the coast. I love the water and how green it is. The lifestyle, while more expensive than back home, really agrees with me. I’ve also worked really hard over the past two years I’ve been here to build a life for myself. I’m actively involved in the local community and have some new friends, but I really long for my friends and family too. Do you have any advice on how to decide between two places?

— Two Homes

Dear Homes: I’ve felt the push-pull of deciding between a place of origin and a new home. In fact, my last book of essays, “Congratulations, the Best Is Over!” followed the journey of moving back home after decades away.

Here’s what I learned: when you move to a new place and start your life over, you change a lot, you learn a lot about yourself, and you become more at home in your skin. Should you choose to move back home, you’ll be bringing all that new knowledge back with you. This could be a perfect time to reset.

Go back home and visit with the intention of moving. Really pay attention to what it would feel like to be a new person in this welcoming old space. You may find that you’ve outgrown your original home and the longing you feel is just nostalgia. But for now, listen to the longing and see what’s underneath.

Dear Eric: I’m a boomer working in an office environment. When new people are hired, they are often from different backgrounds with names I’ve never heard of. When introduced, I don’t know the name or can’t remember how it’s pronounced.

As a first-generation immigrant, my last name is also different. Whenever I meet people for the first time, I slowly pronounce it and often spell it out and pronounce it again to make it understandable.

Why do people assume others will understand their unusual names and not make any attempt to clarify them further? Any suggestions on how to politely ask them to do something similar to what I try to do?

— Name Games

Dear Name: People’s so-called unusual names are often not so unusual to them. And who’s to say what any given person they meet is familiar with.

When you don’t understand a person’s last name, ask them to help you. “I want to make sure I get your name right; can you spell it for me?”

You’re taking an extra step by clarifying your name for folks; others may not feel compelled to do the same because it can make them feel, well, unusual.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

Occasionally, someone in a group I am with mentions reading about a person or place I know something about from personal experience. If I volunteer that I personally am acquainted with said individual or locale, the response is nearly always negative. The conversation dies, the people walk away.

Apparently, I come across as a “been there, done that” type. I, for one, would be happy to gain firsthand knowledge about a person or place, but apparently most others don’t think that way. My response now is to remain silent and on the periphery of such conversations.

— Lonely Traveler

Dear Traveler: While this isn’t your intention, I fear your input may strike some as bragging. Travel isn’t equally accessible to everyone. Many travelers love to bring back knowledge and stories, but those who missed the boat may not relish these souvenirs.

When you next find yourself in one of these conversations, take the opportunity to ask those gathered what excites or interests them about an individual or locale. Let them talk about their own connection. It may not be informed in the same way as yours, but that doesn’t make it less valuable.

If you do want to share that you have firsthand knowledge, make sure you’re responding to their story. Speak from your own enthusiasm, rather than your expertise. This makes the conversation a group of people talking about the wonders of the world rather than one person seemingly lecturing, even though that’s not your intent.

I sense in you a desire to tell your travel story. That’s also what these people are trying to do. Take advantage of the chance to keep learning about exotic places, even while here at home.

Dear Eric: When I was 16, more than 50 years ago, I had a girlfriend who lived in a nearby city. One day, I brought a joint of marijuana along on a visit. While her parents were away, we smoked it in their garage. Suddenly, we heard a car drive up and stop. In walked her father, a policeman, and her pastor.

That is, they were all the same person. Her father was the police department chaplain. He smelled the smoke, took me down to the police station, and then to the bus station, and told me to never come back to their town again. I didn’t.

I exchanged one card with the girl, a few months later, not really offering much more than vague regret.

Now, 50 years later, I ran into her name in the local paper and she is a county judge!

I struggled with alcohol and drugs for a while in my youth, but at age 36 got clean and sober — in part because of a deferred prosecution on a DUI — and I remain so. I was wondering if it would be appropriate for me to drop her a line, letting her know this, and expressing hope that the fallout of our mistake wasn’t too great on her and her family.

— Amends Too Late?

Dear Amends: Congratulations on your decades of sobriety. I’m happy that you found solutions that worked for you and continue to positively impact your life. I think your former girlfriend, the judge, would be happy to hear about this, as well. An unexpected note from someone from the past who isn’t asking for anything could be a welcome, happy surprise.

Amends aren’t about changing what happened so much as improving the future’s possibilities. We do that by acknowledging harm done and striving to fix what we can. So, don’t beat yourself up too much for what happened. You may be thinking about the incident through the lens of all the other substance-related missteps in your past.

Bringing the joint to her house wasn’t the best strategic choice considering the one-man criminal justice system under her roof, but it may have taken on outsize importance in your mind as the years went by.

Telling her the next chapters of your story and making amends, then, could have a positive, right-sizing effect on both of you.

One hopes that, as a judge, she’s familiar with the efficacy of alternative sentencing for non-violent drug offenses. Particularly, that addiction treatment mandated by drug courts, followed by monitoring, showed a recidivism rate 38 percent to 50 percent less than incarceration for drug offenses, according to the Stanford Network on Drug Policy.

Your story can help put another human face on the problem of substance abuse for her. It’s something that she may return to as she weighs the law, the figures, and the cases before her. Your story has the power to change a lot more lives than you know.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

In the beginning, our friend started a GoFundMe to help with expenses, for filming and festival entrance fees. This is a common occurrence for projects such as these. Lots of his friends contributed.

Now he is embarking on his fourth film and even before he has shot one day, he is again asking all of his friends to contribute. He states that contributions are tax-deductible. I don’t know for sure about his 501c3 status but I know he doesn’t have a legal entity that he has set up.

We won’t be contributing to his efforts but I am concerned that the same people are contributing money to him that they can ill afford, perhaps using those contributions toward their tax filing.

These people get nothing else for their contributions except a thank you credit at the end of the film. There is never any accounting for the money raised and it bothers me that our friend is at worst a scam artist or at best irresponsible in the use of his friends and their money.

Should I just mind my own business or is there something to be done to warn the GoFundMe folks that their money is just an ongoing grift in support of a “filmmaker” and that he is going to the well too often?

— Calling “Cut”

Dear Cut: You write that this is his fourth film so I don’t think “filmmaker” should be in quotes anymore. He has, by your account, done the thing he said he was going to do. He made the films! If you want an accounting of how he spent the money, ask for it.

I think playing the role of GoFundMe whistleblower is going to be more trouble than it’s worth, though. Your friends and the other donors were reading the same solicitation emails and attending the same screenings that you were. They can make their own judgments.

It’s in every artist’s best interest to continue to widen their donor pool, both as a way of building a fanbase but also so that they don’t burn out their original supporters. That’s what happened here. Your friend has lost you as a donor because he asked too many times for your liking and didn’t do the proper relationship maintenance. It can be an expensive lesson for some artists.

What’s another expensive lesson for artists? Tax fraud! GoFundMe makes it very clear that donations to personal fundraisers are generally considered personal gifts and not tax-deductible. The site has a separate portal for charity fundraisers where those with 501c3 status can register their organizations.

If a donor isn’t getting a tax receipt from a charitable organization — which GoFundMe does not provide — they’re going to have trouble getting it past their accountant.

Dear Eric: A few weeks ago, my step-mother-in-law, whom I was very close to, passed away suddenly. My husband and I spent four days in the hospital with her as she died. Afterward, my husband got a call from my brother conveying his condolences and my sister only texted me a sad face. My sister never once offered condolences to me and only a week later to my husband when she saw him. I am utterly speechless at their lack of empathy toward me, as if I didn’t lose anyone.

My sister, who lives nearby, didn’t even offer to help with a meal or anything knowing we were spending eight hours or more at the hospital. I’m not sure how to respond to this, if at all, but the bad feelings are still festering.

— Grieving Sister

Dear Sister: I’m so sorry for your loss. The pain of losing an in-law can be intense and confusing; it’s a grief that’s not always easy to make plain to people. While your siblings may know that you were close with your step-mother-in-law, they may not have fully put together that you’re going on your own journey with the grief.

It also sounds like they may have some growing to do with regard to showing care for loved ones in general.

You can address these factors by sharing with them what you’re going through. This will take vulnerability but by telling your siblings what it feels like to be you right now and, crucially, what you need to feel supported, you give them an opportunity to show up for you in the way that you want.

If they drop the ball again, seek support from elsewhere: friends, other relatives, or a therapist. You’re allowed to process this grief.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)