Dear Eric: We have a friend who fancies himself a filmmaker and has made several no-budget films. We have helped him out as performers and crew, and my husband, a professional film editor, spent several years working for no pay cutting and finishing two of them.
In the beginning, our friend started a GoFundMe to help with expenses, for filming and festival entrance fees. This is a common occurrence for projects such as these. Lots of his friends contributed.
Now he is embarking on his fourth film and even before he has shot one day, he is again asking all of his friends to contribute. He states that contributions are tax-deductible. I don’t know for sure about his 501c3 status but I know he doesn’t have a legal entity that he has set up.
We won’t be contributing to his efforts but I am concerned that the same people are contributing money to him that they can ill afford, perhaps using those contributions toward their tax filing.
These people get nothing else for their contributions except a thank you credit at the end of the film. There is never any accounting for the money raised and it bothers me that our friend is at worst a scam artist or at best irresponsible in the use of his friends and their money.
Should I just mind my own business or is there something to be done to warn the GoFundMe folks that their money is just an ongoing grift in support of a “filmmaker” and that he is going to the well too often?
— Calling “Cut”
Dear Cut: You write that this is his fourth film so I don’t think “filmmaker” should be in quotes anymore. He has, by your account, done the thing he said he was going to do. He made the films! If you want an accounting of how he spent the money, ask for it.
I think playing the role of GoFundMe whistleblower is going to be more trouble than it’s worth, though. Your friends and the other donors were reading the same solicitation emails and attending the same screenings that you were. They can make their own judgments.
It’s in every artist’s best interest to continue to widen their donor pool, both as a way of building a fanbase but also so that they don’t burn out their original supporters. That’s what happened here. Your friend has lost you as a donor because he asked too many times for your liking and didn’t do the proper relationship maintenance. It can be an expensive lesson for some artists.
What’s another expensive lesson for artists? Tax fraud! GoFundMe makes it very clear that donations to personal fundraisers are generally considered personal gifts and not tax-deductible. The site has a separate portal for charity fundraisers where those with 501c3 status can register their organizations.
If a donor isn’t getting a tax receipt from a charitable organization — which GoFundMe does not provide — they’re going to have trouble getting it past their accountant.
Dear Eric: A few weeks ago, my step-mother-in-law, whom I was very close to, passed away suddenly. My husband and I spent four days in the hospital with her as she died. Afterward, my husband got a call from my brother conveying his condolences and my sister only texted me a sad face. My sister never once offered condolences to me and only a week later to my husband when she saw him. I am utterly speechless at their lack of empathy toward me, as if I didn’t lose anyone.
My sister, who lives nearby, didn’t even offer to help with a meal or anything knowing we were spending eight hours or more at the hospital. I’m not sure how to respond to this, if at all, but the bad feelings are still festering.
— Grieving Sister
Dear Sister: I’m so sorry for your loss. The pain of losing an in-law can be intense and confusing; it’s a grief that’s not always easy to make plain to people. While your siblings may know that you were close with your step-mother-in-law, they may not have fully put together that you’re going on your own journey with the grief.
It also sounds like they may have some growing to do with regard to showing care for loved ones in general.
You can address these factors by sharing with them what you’re going through. This will take vulnerability but by telling your siblings what it feels like to be you right now and, crucially, what you need to feel supported, you give them an opportunity to show up for you in the way that you want.
If they drop the ball again, seek support from elsewhere: friends, other relatives, or a therapist. You’re allowed to process this grief.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
