Now that I have your attention, several months ago I was at a membership open house at Temple Anshei Shalom in Delray Beach. When the “Shul Shoppers” arrived I asked, “What are you looking for in a synagogue?” What do you think they answered? “I want the synagogue to be part of my Jewish Life.” “I want to make more and new friends.” “I want to be educated.” “I want to feel important and be spiritually moved,” were among the top answers. 37% decided that day to have the synagogue join their lives as a result of all the membership committee’s hard work that day.
At one point in our Jewish lives we were all members of a synagogue, as b’nai mitzvah parents or as part of our parents’ membership and then many stopped, grew apart and separated. 88% of South Floridians did and they are right. In our youth we met at scheduled social activities, three times a week at Talmud Torah, on Shabbat to be a part of a friends or relatives transition to Jewish adulthood and responsibility and other life cycle events.
Synagogues always ask “Why don’t you join us, we need you, we want you, come give us a try, meet our great rabbi and cantor, etc.” How has that been working? Not well.
It needs to change. The question a synagogue should ask is “How can I join you?”
On Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur and Yizkor, a majority of the 88% were at a synagogue at least once. It’s the annual Jewish rally or pep talk. There is an opportunity for the Jew, the congregation and synagogue to join each other for the entire year.
There is a fear however (that is mostly true) in a shul, Shoppers mind “that the minute a synagogue becomes a part of my life, they will always ask me for money, to volunteer, to come to services, to join sisterhood, brotherhood, etc. NAG NAG NAG. I don’t want the hassle.”
I learned a long time ago that the way for an organization to become part of someone’s life is found in the following three secrets:
1. Make me feel important
2. Make me feel comfortable
3. Make me feel accepted for who I am and what I believe in
Why do people feel important when they donate money to a charity that benefit people they never see? They feel that they are making a difference even though they hardly ever see the results. If just 12% of the approximately 400,000 unaffiliated South Florida Jewish residents allow a synagogue to be part of their lives by becoming members (then never show up) they know that they are important because they are helping the shul to offer programs for other Jews that will be used, that is a great thing and tax deductible. This approach will stimulate interest and a partnership. When that is combined with state of the art spiritual, social and educational programing, that is powerful.
By the way, what makes a rabbi and cantor great? People want them to a part of their lives. That’s it, nothing more complicated than that.
When people do come into the synagogue for any reason, the clergy, board member, greeter or usher should call them by their name with a sincere welcome that makes someone feel important. If it was a retail shop that almost always happens. How can they remember all these people? When they join, take their picture and application that includes backgrounds and why they let the synagogue become part of their lives and send it to everyone. If they come once a year, month, whenever, in order to make them comfortable and not on the defensive simply reply – we are thrilled that we are together today.
It is a shame, isn’t it, that not everybody in the world is like you? What a great place this would be if we all shared the same ideals, values, beliefs, dress styles, etc. Sorry. It will never happen. And yet, we all try and convince people that they should see things our way. Any failure to do so makes them (fill in the blank). The blank is – “not accepted for who they are and what they believe in.” “We are a diverse people with different beliefs.” “Be happy for them that we are a part of their life.” “Don’t pressure them to volunteer since we do.” and “Don’t tell them to come to shul if that is not what they normally do, etc.”
Jewish people question everything. That’s our nature – who we are. When someone says – “I want to be educated,” they are looking for answers to their unanswered questions. The answers can be delivered from the pulpit or a class. Want to join someone’s life? Be the one who fills the gap. Lifelong learning programs for adults are a great way to be a part of a person’s life.
Ah yes, fundraising. When does it stop? The moment people start giving money without being asked. Now I have gone off the deep end. Why is it that voters will pay for new sports stadiums (bonds, taxes increases etc.) that they go to once in a while and a big corporation (or owner) will make money and the players make millions? Because they see the results. The team has joined them. How do I know? They buy shirts, underwear, blankets, etc. Instead of always asking for donations and rarely telling people what is happening with the money, sell the dream, accept the funds, then show the results, then sell a new dream, etc.
This is part three of a series of articles. There were three types of readers, the 12% who are partners in life with a synagogue, the 88% who are not and the synagogue looking for lives to join.
After this year’s Jewish celebration of the High Holy days, let’s dream about 24% of the South Florida Jewish community who rejoined their youth as their synagogue of choice joined their lives once again.
Andy Greenberg is a lecturer and member of the board of directors at Temple Anshei Shalom and teaches at Temple Torat Emet, grades three through adult. He is an established lay leader of services, a Jewish educator for 25 years as well as participating in membership, ritual, youth, educational and search committees in the various cities that he has lived in. He wrote a song dedicated to Shabbat and lives in Lake Worth.